Ben Oliver

Banner image for Aloha


You lied to the Hawaiians!
16 October 2015

Bradley Cooper stars as a former Air Force pilot turned contractor sent to Hawaii to assist with the launch of a private satellite. Some of the locals have concerns and there may be more to the launch than meets the eye. Also his ex-girlfriend is there and she’s got another guy now.

What a monumental turd from Cameron Crowe. Hard to believe this has come from the same person who made Almost Famous. Did he just fancy making a film whilst he was on holiday?

The script is so, so shoddy it boggles the mind. Somehow it feels like nothing is happening, but the reality is that Bradley Cooper is taking down a satellite like bloody James Bond. However that’s not the focus here because this is a romantic comedy. There’s no focus at all, in fact, no goal, no subtle or profound connection between scenes. It’s frustrating, bordering on unwatchable.

Emma Stone is her usual likeable self but somehow she is supposed to be part-Hawaiian; understandably this has caused a lot of controversy, with some people calling the film racist. They could not have picked a whiter person to play a Hawaiian lady and it’s laughable.

Another major issue with the film is that it is very shit. The direction is shit. The soundtrack is almost offensive. Even the editing is shit. There’s nothing to like. It’s a shit rom-com, it’s a really shit political thriller (yes at some point things veer into that territory for some reason) and it’s a diabolical drama.

If you like pissing away your life on pointless, bland drivel then perhaps Aloha might be of some interest to you. Otherwise this is a film to be actively avoided. If you see it in the wild, destroy it.