Printers are just as shit as they were in 1999.

The story of Leon Vitali, Stanley Kubrick’s personal assistant from Barry Lyndon to Kubrick’s death. Vitali got to know Kubrick having starred in Barry Lyndon, and became so interested in his work that he decided to ditch a very promising acting career in order to work with the director.

So many questions.

A group of scientists go into a cordoned off zone on the US coast that has been showing signs of mysterious activity. Previous teams going in have not returned, including the husband of one of the scientists (Natalie Portman).

A chef (Jon Favreau) loses his temper with a critic on Twitter and loses his job as a result. He takes to the road in a food truck to try and re-kindle his passion for cooking and try to build a relationship with his son.

Still the joyless snooze-fest it was two years ago. The dictionary definition of a pointless remake.

A gruesome murderer is on the loose in Norway, leaving only a snowman as a calling card. There’s only one man out there who can catch him - Detective Harry Hole (Michael Fassbender). However, he’s a loner drunk and has to fight his own demons before he can fight crime. Hang on though, he’s been given a perky new sidekick who might just inspire him (Rebecca Ferguson) and oh god this is every cheap crime novel ever made isn’t it?

A young witch moves to a new town to find love. She cooks up potions to draw men in but they always get too attached, ultimately leading to their death.

So, so good.

Such a great screenplay, wonderfully executed. Just like a submarine must tread carefully through the ocean, McTiernan efficiently steers the audience around the twists and turns of the story without ever letting up on the tension.

Beats, Samsung, Starbucks, Pandora, Mercedes-Benz & Hilton: The Movie.

A young woman (Jessica Chastain) runs a very high-stakes poker game and fights hard to stay above the law, sometimes failing. Molly’s Game goes over the origins of the game along with the litigation that follows.

I attended a screening of Gladiator at the Royal Albert Hall, with a live orchestra providing Hans Zimmer’s score. Singer and co-composer Lisa Gerrard was on stage providing her signature vocals.

Holds up quite well to a second viewing, which I wasn’t really expecting. Coco isn’t a particularly complicated film by Pixar standards but the themes of family, memory and tradition are weighty enough to make the ending have a real impact.

After the dreary and pseudo-artsy Red Sparrow I wanted to go back to a female led spy thriller that is actually quite good.

A Russian ballet dancer (Jennifer Lawrence) gets recruited by an intelligence agency to get the name of a mole off a CIA spy (Joel Edgerton). She goes through a special training school where they teach people to seduce others for information.

You know what the Marvel Cinematic Universe needs? More characters!

Although the third entry into the xXx series was never going to be great, it’s refreshing to see this franchise finally put its tongue in its cheek. Stupid shit happens throughout but it never really asks the audience to buy what it’s selling.

The first film left us itching for more Deadpool and this sequel scratches that itch perfectly. It’s no masterpiece but it keeps the same irreverent tone without feeling too forced just yet.

A couples game night derails when a relative from out of town takes it over and plans a fake kidnapping/murder mystery party. It starts to go south when some real kidnappers show up at the door and everyone still thinks it’s a game.

Spoilers ahead, Rogers

You won’t believe me but this is better than the first film in almost every way. The bar wasn’t high, so it should also be said that it is still a load of bollocks.

This is one from my childhood (or early teens) that I remember mainly for the x-ray binoculars Vin Diesel uses to see through women’s clothes. What had escaped me was how spectacularly shite it is as a film in spite of this wonderful invention.

It’s easy to call this a redneck Ocean’s Eleven and as a fan of taking the low road that’s what I’m going to do. It’s the same director, it’s a heist movie and most importantly it’s every bit as good and funny.

OK I promise this is the last one.