Ben Oliver

Banner image for Baywatch


I’m oceanic, motherfucker.
23 September 2017

Based on the 90s TV show. A team of lifeguards fronted up by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson try find the origin of some powerful new drugs circulating around town. Their new team member Zac Efron also struggles to integrate into his new way of life.

Priyanka Chopra makes for a great villain and that is about all the praise I have for Baywatch.

The rest is tired old dick jokes spliced together with incredibly poor action sequences. You can find better CGI on YouTube these days.

Effects aside it’s a very lazy film comprised of sloppy edits and poor continuity. I watched this with 6 people and at various points we all had to ask ourselves what was actually going on. People’s clothes change mid-scene, they magically swap vehicles, they have guns then they don’t - it’s a huge mess.

This could all be forgiven if it were funny, but it isn’t. They managed to cast comedians in roles with zero jokes.

You might even cut it some slack if it were just an excuse for the shameless titillation the TV show was known for, but despite its attractive cast there is zero sexual energy at all.

If you like comedy, action, sex or even if you just have a pulse - avoid this at all costs.