Ben Oliver

Banner image for Justice League

Justice League

What are your superpowers again?
14 February 2018

Wow, hard to know where to start with this lame attempt to polish a turd.

How about Superman’s weird fucking face? Henry Cavill had to sport a moustache for another role and was contractually bound not to shave it off. Why they couldn’t use a fake moustache for the other film is a real mystery because his CGI top lip looks painfully bad here. He looks worse than Peter Cushing in Rogue One and Peter Cushing had been dead for 21 years when they made that film.

Remember, act F.A.S.T.

There’s also Aquaman who is a good looking guy but serves no purpose because nothing happens underwater. Perhaps he would be more suited to a remake of Thunderball, or the inevitable live-action version of The Little Mermaid.

To be fair the other good looking person, Wonder Woman, is pretty handy when it comes to fighting crime but in this film they gave her basically nothing to do. Not to worry though, they also give her nothing to wear so for pervs like me it’s a masterpiece.

Oh don’t forget that they spend most of the film trying to obtain a magic MacGuffin cube only then to leave it outside unattended for the bad guy to come and pick it up. It really was his lucky day.

There’s too much to write about and none of it is good. The woeful attempts to rope in the old soundtracks from the other films, the pantomime style costumes, Lois Lane’s orange face…

None of this matters though because in the end the whole Justice League idea turns out to be a waste of time when Superman comes in and sorts it all out in 20 seconds.

Piss poor.